I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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