my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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