can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
