He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
