dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
