am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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