so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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