Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
