we're making bets on your personal life
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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