I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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