I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
