eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
