I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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