Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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