so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
