Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
