I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
