Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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