shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Randomize
