You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
