There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
