surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
