My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
