from now on my penis is your penis
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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