what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
