i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
