i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Randomize
