I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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