What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
is that a dick in a sweater?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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