Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
