she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
