He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
