when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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