My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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