mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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