the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
