I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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