lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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