ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
