he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
