remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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