Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
