official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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