his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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