Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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