You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
