I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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