the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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