Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
