Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
cat food counts as protein by the way
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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